Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Living in sunshine (with the shades pulled down)

A funny thing is, writing this blog still makes me cringe. Yet, somehow, I start to feel immensely guilty if I don't post something every few months. Will this particular article appear forced? We shall see.

Despite the various geekpies in which I have recently partaken (thanks to a Chippenham-induced level of boredom - maybe not quite as bad as I make it sound), I will attempt to avoid 'geek-centricity'. Rather, I am going to pontificate on the pro et contra of my life... for no reason other than to indulge myself - a decidedly new focus of this here diary.

The 'Chippenham-era' presents an interesting, and intensely exciting, transitional stage. A temporary stop-off along the road to a New World (pun perhaps intended), I'm constantly filling in forms, making telephone calls, sending emails, attending appointments, and, invariably, forgetting things on my to-do list. Everything is building to an amazing finale. Excepting the vague apathy regarding my surroundings, I'm definitely enjoying myself. However, just like the calm before the storm, I fear a sudden blowout of emotion on the horizon.

In a little under seven weeks, things will change. I plan to move away from family, friends, colleagues and comfort-zone. No, scrap that, the comfort-zone was abandoned when I exited Bath (stage right; next act: Chippers). At some point during this coming epoch, I sense my current, extremely positive feelings will collide with other hidden, submerged, and largely ignored feelings head-on.

It might be messy.

I have no idea how I will deal with these divined emotions. It doesn't seem real that people who are so important will be so far removed. I hope I can appropriately share with them what I'm experiencing, because I will miss them - a lot. It's important that I impart such to them. Although these ninja-emotions may be unpleasant, said ninja-emotions are also stepping stones that I choose, and want, to follow. By stepping, I don't mean to cut the tethers tying me to those I care about; in fact, somewhere down the line, I expect to look back and realise that those same tethers were never at risk of breaking anyways. Things just have a habit of feeling bigger than they are.

One thing is certain, however: these next few weeks will be unique.

Okay, now I should really go to bed.



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